In the western world, we might like to think we are free of these prejudices, but we still have our ideas of what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘perverted’. Let’s have a look at sex in the animal kingdom to remind ourselves that trying to define ‘normal’ sex can be a lot tougher than it looks!
I like it both ways
Banana slugs are hermaphrodites - they can be both male and female. When they have sex, they choose what they want to be, and the male often chews off his own penis after coming so that it forms a plug in the female, stopping other males from having a go. However, the females often eat this plug which leaves them free to party some more. Sea hares are a type of mollusc that have both penises and vaginas, and often join up in a big circle to both screw and get screwed. They can even swap from the male to the female role during these gang bangs.
Adam and Steve in the garden of Eden
Same sex bonding is common in the animal kingdom, with examples of sheep, beetles, dolphins, fruit bats and orangutans ignoring the opposite sex. Pairs of male flamingos have been observed mating, building nests, and even raising foster chicks.
Does size matter?
The size of sexual organs varies dramatically across the animal kingdom. The record for the world’s largest testicles is held by the blue whale, with each one weighing around 45 kilograms. A killer whale holds the record for the largest penis at 2.4 metres in length. Of course, these measurements aren’t so impressive when you take into account the size of the animals involved. The record then belongs to the Argentine Lake Duck which has a 42.5 cm long penis while the bird itself is only 20 cm long. This is comparable to a human male having a 3.5 m penis, which would be a problem due to passing out from lack of blood supply to the brain during an erection.
While we are on the subject of penises, some snakes can have up to four working penises. And on the female side of things, the spiny ant eater has a pair of vaginas while hogs can have up to 18 breasts (bras can be very expensive).
Lasting the distance sexually
What about sex itself? Human males have often copped flak for lack of duration, but there are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom that show human males aren’t doing so badly. Ducks and kangaroo rats take around two minutes. Whales and elephants take around 30 seconds to get their rocks off. Our close cousins, the male chimpanzees, only take about 10 to 20 seconds to reach orgasm, while mosquitoes can get it all finished in around two to three seconds. Before human males start congratulating themselves though, there are some insects who indulge in intercourse for up to 60 hours.
Don’t stop till you get enough
Many of us will have heard that the female praying mantis may eat the male after sex. What is little known though, is that she may eat his head during sex (WARNING – don’t try this at home). What is interesting is that he manages to keep going and finish the job, something that hasn’t been tested in humans but many women reportedly suspect the human male just might be capable of the same stamina.
Vanilla sex for humans
Vanilla sex or conventional sex is used to describe what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual behavior. Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position, or sex that is overly conventional or unwilling to explore different techniques and styles.
The important point is that everyone should feel comfortable with their sexuality, whether it is a bizarre fetish, or the straight missionary position with all the lights off! We shouldn’t criticise anyone for the choices they make, when the sex is consensual and does not offend or hurt others...
Serge's secret with the ladies
It’s not just the moustache, manly chest hair, or the bulge in those tight shorts. Serge is more than a Sensitive New Age Guy; he’s gone a step further and become the Caring Understanding Nurturing Type. Serge knows that women dig a guy who actually cares about them, so he fucks safe and shoots clean. He wears condoms then gets his check ups at the sexual health clinic for long-term partners. He practises infection control, so he never reuses injecting equipment, and makes sure everything is clean. So remember it takes more body hair to pull the girls. It’s attitude that counts, and Serge is giving away these secrets free of charge. Make the most of them.