I am an old time Paregoric – for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term ‘paregoric’, it means drug addict or junkie.
I started using at the sweet age of 13. Over the next twenty plus years I’ve injected, smoked, snorted, swallowed, drunk and shoved up my arse, every known drug and possible combination thereof. Quite a pleasurable experience really.
I began as a young man taking speed, my drug of choice back then! Punk Rock ruled and I was bouncing off the walls and other patrons of hotels and party spots. Going out with the hip crowd to use and abuse. Sex, drugs and rock and roll!!!! Yeehaw!!!!!
I’ve since moved on to the loving tenderness of the brave lady, she who makes everything okay at the end of the day.
In the world of drugs nothing is NORMAL! All the normal rules are off. Honesty and truth are relative to the situation. I found early on that I was not a big blokey bloke – I couldn’t go up to people on the street and say hand over your dope or I’ll bash you, or do bankies or ‘burgs. I found that I had a gift and simply asked people for money – large amounts of money — on the whims of a user’s promise. I don’t know if it’s because I’m Irish and have the gift of the gab, (insert Irish accent “oh he’s a lovely fella, he could talk da birds down from da trees, but he tells a lot of lies; that he does”) or what, I just know it works.
I’m no Bill Gates, but I do make as much money as your average GP, unfortunately without his access to morphine (not that I’m bitter). Unlike a lot of people in fact the majority, I have purpose and meaning. Buddha said, “All sentient life is pain”. Well Jesus, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, St Joan of Narc or whatever is out there, blessed is the ultimate in painkillers. Thus I awake, I am ill, I have direction, I have an enemy I can fight everyday, I have purpose, direction, I know where I’m going!!!!
I’m actually happy. Personally I feel using drugs is like being Gay or making one of many lifestyle choices that are alternative – this is just not perceived by the majority of society because someone told them drugs were bad. Once upon a time, you went to jail for being Gay, once upon a time you went to jail for saying women should get the vote, once you went to jail for having another religion or belief system, but I think it’s just not my time yet, and my day too will come when society knows we are human beings who have simply made different choices.
You get up, drag your clothes on, your shoes feel like lead weights, and you are sure you have never felt this sick before. Even lifting your head off the pillow was a supreme effort this morning and you shuffle off to the car, secure in the knowledge that in just a short while you will be feeling like a human being again.
You rub your sniffly nose and go to start the car. The ominous clicking and no start!
You only have exactly the right money for a phone call and the gear, not one cent more, and today of all days, the car has chosen to break down! It only ever happens to you!
What a dilemma!
- J.
GO TO THE HOME PAGE
Please note personal stories do not necessarily reflect the policies and attitudes of www.saferinjecting.net or the sites that allowed reproduction. This article has been reproduced from http://www.quihn.org by courtesy of QuIHN who hold copyright.