Thank you for coming in, Higher Power.
A pleasure to be here.
I must say you are looking in fine form. You have the face of Jesus, the belly of Buddha, the many arms of Vishnu and could that skin colouring be the delicate blue of Krishna?
Nice of you to notice, Steve. I seem to appear to people in whatever way they assume I’ll be, so I figure you must have a rather chaotic spiritual stance.
Yeah, you could say that. Obviously I have plenty of questions for you tonight, God… may I call you God?
No, that’s a bit divisive. What about Your Immenseness, the Ineffable... I am partial to Cyril. Whatever takes your fancy.
Well, Higher Power, having something of a recreational passion for substances, I’d love to know why you actually created drugs in the first place.
I say, Steve, what a relief! Everyone usually wants to know the same old stuff... is there life after death? Why does suffering happen? What is the meaning of life. Where did I leave my car keys?
To tell you the truth, I didn’t plan drugs. I just kind of made stuff and didn’t really look at the psychoactive possibilities if you lot were brave enough to snort, smoke, inject or shove things up your arses.
Actually I have lost my car keys. But are you are saying drugs are wrong?
Heavens no. You humans seem to spend a lot of time constructing elaborate moral frameworks on things like this. To me, it just seems a complicated way to feel better about yourself. You judge others so you can feel better about yourself.
But surely you see certain drugs as inherently evil?
Ah, the limitations of the human mind – I keep forgetting. Listen, Steve. There have been times in Indian and Middle Eastern regions where smoking opium was the accepted cultural thing after eating, a kind of uplifting after-dinner mint. Yet alcohol was the inherently evil drug by their standards. Contrast this with modern America, where powerful alcohol and tobacco industries lobby to ensure the democratic system won’t restrict access to these drugs, despite huge social and medical costs. At the same time, they wage war against drugs like marijuana. And recreational use of the modern derivative of opium lands you in prison, yet pharmaceutical companies make millions from selling it to hospitals. Go figure.
So are you for or against drugs?
Ha. You’re trying to box me in, Steve. I have no strong feelings either way. Drugs are just one of many ways you humans try to make yourselves happier, if temporarily. Different people will use drugs with differing degrees of control, success or negative shit happening in their lives.
I know many people say they have seen you when they use LSD.
Yes, I believe it was a human called Steve Wright who wondered if I would actually see people if I dropped acid.
Wow! Really? Do you only see us humans if you drop acid?
That was a joke, Steve.
Oh, I see. But can drugs help us on the path to spiritual enlightenment, to be closer to you?
Yes, but I wish they wouldn’t. For thousands of years, I’ve had cow-eyed shamans mumbling at me. More recently there have been a lot of Rastafarians but they just giggle a lot and ask me for Tim Tams. The 1960s were worst. Thousands of hippies with questionable personal hygiene going “Check out the colours, man!” Very tedious.
You don’t sound as if you care much about us human beings at all.
Well, Steve, let’s just say I’m dispassionate about humans. Really I’m just the cosmic architect. The universe was just a fun project that I started around 14 billion years ago when I was feeling my way around.
So you just ignore us! Where’s the love?
Well, this is the crazy thing. I get billions of prayer requests each year, but you humans are completely responsible for yourselves. If you put all that praying and kneeling into constructive self-improvement, you’d be smokin’, man!
Bugger, I thought you might have advice for us injecting drug users.
But you humans have worked it out already! Philosophers and psychologists have worked out the good shit on making yourselves happy – sex, food, family, friends, love, hobbies, a sense of purpose, work, art, and of course, drugs. It’s all in the balance. Concentrate on any of these too much and it all goes arse-over-tit.
For a Supreme Being, you seem to use swear words quite comfortably.
Fucking ay.
What about advice for injectors?
Aren’t you listening, you carbon-based organism? You humans have it sorted already! I hand thee 10 Great Suggestions:
• Always use new fits
• Never share any injecting gear
• Rotate your injection sites regularly
• Wash your hands and preparation area
• Swab your injection site once, in one direction only before injecting
• Release your tourniquet before injecting
• Take a break from injecting regularly to give your veins a rest by swallowing, snorting, smoking or shafting
• Even better, take a break from drugs regularly to clear your brain
• Dispose of everything properly in a sharps bin when your are done
• Enjoy the ride!
That’s the stuff this website keeps going on about.
Yeah, they are a bit like a broken record. But seriously, if you do this stuff you’ll generally have positive experiences, and minimise the nasty shit that can happen. Your drug habit is what you make of it.
That sounds a bit practical, doesn’t it? I mean coming from You? I thought you might have a more spiritual approach.
What do you want to hear? Drugs enhance the path to higher consciousness, where the oneness meets the astral planes of knowledge while true self merges infinitely with the unity of cosmic destiny and...
Hang on, I’m writing this down! True self merges with what?
Jesus, Steve, get with the program! I’m taking the piss. I don’t do that sort of airy fairy stuff as a rule, unlike you lot.
Okay, fair enough. Well um... what is the meaning of life? Why are we here?
Oh God, I knew it. The big questions! Alright... you humans are the most complex organisms in the universe to date. There is life on 32 739 other planets, but you are the most highly evolved so far. You and the others only came about by a combination of billions of years and a series of incredible coincidences.
Why does suffering occur? You live in a universe with no regard for humans, and everyday chaos will occasionally lead to suffering. Frankly, I don’t get involved with your doings, so you are totally responsible for your species. If you improve the world, the chances of suffering are reduced. If you live for yourself and say fuck everyone else, well surprise surprise – suffering increases too. It ain’t rocket science, you know.
The meaning of life is that life is only what you make of it, so appreciate this amazing spark of self-consciousness that has evolved within you, and appreciate it in everyone else too, whatever colour skin they have. A meaningless universe is no cause for despair or depression – it just gives you more freedom to invent your own meaning of life for your happiness and for those around you. And you can be good because you want to be, not from fear of Hell, purgatory, or coming back as a snail.
You are totally responsible for the world you create, so get involved in making it better. Don’t come running to Me for help. And try not to blame others or circumstances, all your answers are within you. Most of your religions are based on not taking responsibility for yourselves completely.
There is no life after death, so make the most of this one unique opportunity. There is quite a bit of truth in the statement, live each day as though it was your last, but this could lead to rash impulsive acts. I’d suggest living each day as though it was your 184th last day on Earth.
And finally, your car keys are in the right pocket of your jeans, in the laundry basket.
But I don’t understand. If You are outside this universe, yet created it initially, doesn’t that imply some responsibility for us? And how are You able to communicate with me? Doesn’t this imply a relationship with You is possible? Or are you just a figment of my imagination?
Bingo, Steve, well done! I am just a figment of your imagination. Your LSD is wearing off now so this part of your brain will catch you next time you get your hands on some quality tabs. Later dude...
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